Forgiving An Affair

January 15, 2011
The discovery of an affair will attack you with shock, anger and numbness. No matter what way you choose to react, your surroundings will look the same afterwards because you have not yet started coping with what has transpired. You find that you are suddenly lost due to being caught off guard. You never thought this would happen to you. So when it does, what should you do when this painful truth is revealed and how can you forgive it?


The first thing to do when you find out that your partner has been cheating is to allow your emotions to flow out of your body. Holding your feelings in will only make you feel worse and cause a tremendous amount of stress both physically and mentally. Once you have expressed your instant reaction, you can start thinking more slowly and rationally. You will start examining your relationship, wondering where it went wrong and if it was ever as wonderful as you claimed it to be. You will create a chain of questions that have not yet been answered and will start feeling farther and farther away from getting any of them answered. Everything will be sorted out time, but first thing is first… and that is getting your emotions sorted out.

Once your emotions have been expressed and sorted out, it is important to remember to not give the affair more power over your life than it deserves, even though at the time being, it feels like the end of the world. The fact of the matter is, it is not the end of the world, but has changed your world and the way you look at it, which is understandable. Know that your partner’s affair has nothing to do with his or her love for you, nor does it make you a failure in relationships. What the affair does tell you though, is that there are essential issues that need to be addressed. It is normal to be angry and unable to calmly discuss this with your partner, so let him or her know that (without getting violent or throwing them out of course). Let him or her know that you are deeply hurt and angry that they chose an affair as a way to deal with the issues in your relationship and you are not ready to talk about it just yet.

When you are ready, where do you start? It will be difficult to focus on the discussion if you are torturing yourself with visual thoughts of the cheating act. Make an effort to be strong and avoid the unnecessary painful thoughts that will in no way make you feel better or get your relationship back on track. You know what goes on when two people are intimate, so save yourself the details you already know and spare yourself the hurt. 

The focus is to find and establish the reasons for the affair and ways you can move on with your lives together, with a new and improved affair proof relationship. Good communication will be the key to your road to recovery, so be sure to ask the right questions, listen with undivided attention and understanding, as well as answering the questions you are asked and finding suitable solutions on how to prevent the same event in the future.

Anger, as well as other emotions, will arise while you and your partner attempt to make things right and better. You may blow up during discussions because your mind will re-fresh your memory of how your partner had the guts to betray you and how stupid, hurt and disrespected it made you feel. Your partner (the afairee) may also become upset because of your non-stop attacks on him or her, especially if they confessed and genuinely apologized.

Before attempting any conversations regarding the affair, be sure that you and your partner agree to disagree and express anger. You both need to have patience for each other’s feelings, for it will take time to get past the emotional outbursts. If things start getting out of control and you find yourselves no longer talking, but only yelling and blaming instead, end the conversation and give each other some space. You may need to do this several times until you can talk without such interruptions. Take it one step at a time. After all, if you and your partner have made a decision to make things work, then there is no need to rush and panic.

After you and your partner get everything out in the open and understand the roots of the affair, you can then concentrate on re-building the trust and forgiving once and for all. Forgiving your partner does not mean you will forget what happened, but it will mean that you have accepted what transpired and are ready to move forward without bringing the past into your future as a couple. It will be difficult for you to blindly trust your partner again, but you must make an effort, as well as your partner. Your trust will strengthen as time goes by and through the convincing actions of your partner. You cannot put your partner on a leash and monitor him or her 24 hours a day, and you shouldn’t want to. Do not expect things to magically improve, because you will be disappointed. Re-building the trust, passion and strength in your relationship will take a reasonable amount of time and could even require counseling if you feel you cannot make it on your own.

Re-building your self-esteem will help you forgive the affair as well. Being betrayed can do great damage to the way you feel about and look at yourself. You may feel less attractive physically and not worthy enough both mentally and spiritually. Get in touch with yourself and terminate your insecurities by finding ways to replenish the perspective you have on your being. Continue to tell yourself that an affair does not change the wonderful person you are and you are just as beautiful, desirable, intelligent and respectable as ever.

To avoid getting pulled back into the past, set your mind and heart on creating new memories together. Exploring new happiness will help your relationship mend and move on greatly. Go on dates, get romantic and become better friends than before! Make a permanent note in your mind that nobody is perfect but everyone deserve forgiveness for their mistakes. Try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about the pain and regret they are going through and how much they love you. He or she knew it was wrong to do before they did it, but probably felt it was their only way to cope with their troubles at the time. 

If you have been genuinely apologized to and promised that it will never happen again, then open your heart and give him or her a chance. You obviously love your partner and he or she loves you, which is why you have decided to forgive and move on. So work as a team and be each other’s strength in putting the past behind you, looking at it as a learning experience in which will assist you in making your love affair-proof from this point on.

image source

Meet Perfect Single Men

If you’d rather meet a man where he’s more likely to be himself, here are my top three recommendations:

1.A bar, specifically during Monday Night Football.
Football season is a great time to meet men who flock to taverns to watch the NFL. When I was single, I loved going to Monday Night Football (even though I didn’t really understand the game) because the bar was filled with mostly single men, there was a free buffet, and the atmosphere was merry. Advice columnists usually tell women to stay out of bars if they want to meet suitable men, but I disagree. 


It’s important to see how a man drinks, and how he behaves under the influence of alcohol. Does he get wasted and drive home? Or, does he have a couple of beers and switch to water before he leaves? Does he smack the bartender in the head when his team loses, or does he remain amiable? There are things you can learn in a bar about a man that you never will in church. Bring a friend with you and make having fun, not hooking up, your first priority. 

You may have to show up three weeks in a row before anybody shows interest in you (or, then again, maybe not). Keep in mind that different bars attract different types of people. If you don’t like the crowd in one bar, try another place next time.

2.A class. 
I know, I know. You’ve heard this one before, but have you ever tried it? Let me tell you a story: My friend Brian’s longtime girlfriend dropped him for another guy. After grieving for a while, he dusted himself off and signed up for a cooking class. See, Brian loves to cook, but he put off pursuing formal training while he was with What’s-Her-Name. 

Once she was out of the picture, though, he decided to register for a course, figuring he’d meet many likeminded women there. Sure enough, he did. I advise you to write down a list of hobbies you’d like to explore and figure out which of them would also appeal to men. Then sign up for a class or join a club. See what happens.

3.Throw a party. 
While Brian did meet lots of women at the cooking class, he didn’t fall in love with any of them. So he threw a party where he could show off his new skills. He wasn’t picky about who he invited and told everybody to bring a friend or two. The result? A woman he’d never met showed up. They fell in love and have been married now for two years. But even if Brian hadn’t met his future wife that night, hosting that party netted him plenty of invitations to others, providing opportunities to meet many more people. 

Acaveat: When you plan your party, don’t exclude married friends from the guest list. You don’t want your big night to feel like a singles’ mixer. Instead, invite couples and encourage them to bring a friend.

Remember, the trick to meeting new men is to break up your routine. Step one: Put down the remote. I assure you that the world is full of great single men like Brian who want to meet someone special, and for one of those men, that person is you. Seek and create new social situations. Act naturally. Smile. Whatever you do, don’t keep twisting your neck like you’re casing the place for a live one. Maintain eye contact with whomever you’re talking to, whether it’s a man or a woman. Having fun is key. When you’re having fun, you’ll attract men like a magnet.

image source

Blind Date Tips

Keep an open mind
Remember this is a blind date. You have never seen this guy before. Don`t form a mental image of him or have high expectations. You will only be disappointed if he is not how you imagined. You will know within the first few minutes whether you are attracted to him or not.


Keep it short but sweet
Don`t arrange to meet at the cinema, for dinner or any where else hat could keep you together for more than an hour. Arrange to meet up for a coffee or during your lunch break. If you are not interested in the guy then you can make a quick exit if you have only agreed to meet for half an hour or an hour and if you do like him then you can stay where you are or arrange to meet up again.

Way out
It is crucial when on a blind date. that you have an escape route. You could get a friend to call you 30 minutes into the date and if you don`t like him you can make an excuse and leave and if you do like him then you can tell your friend to call you back later. (Remember to always let someone know where you are.) Or you could tell him that you promised your friend you'd go shopping an hour after you and he planned to meet. If the date is going well, pretend to go call her to let her know that "you're not up to going shopping." Go shopping if you aren`t interested. You could get some friends to turn up at the meeting point and if things aren`t going well you can leave with them and if things are going well tell them you will meet up with them later.

Meet 'n' greet
One of the biggest mistakes people make when going on a blind date. is trying to be someone they aren't.

When meeting someone for the first time, be yourself. Whether that means going all out or remaining casual, your personality will shine through only if you're not trying to be something you aren't. While first impressions are important, do not feel the need to wear heels on a Sunday if you'd normally wear flip-flop sandals. He wants to know who you are; not whom you think he wants you to be.

Better safe than sorry
While going on a blind date can be exciting and fun, remember that you have no firsthand knowledge about the person you are meeting. If you have been set up through mutual friends, they will most likely have a rough idea of your plans. But just in case, make sure someone knows exactly where and when you're meeting.

If the person you are meeting is a complete stranger, however, you need to take even more precautions. Make sure someone knows your whereabouts, knows the name of the person you will be meeting, and how long the date is scheduled for. You may want to have a friend join you, or "run into you" about 15 minutes into the date to check up on you.

Who's paying
Make it clear from the start if you intend to pay for half of everything. You may not want to feel like you owe the guy anything.

Goodbye
Parting after a blind date more has the potential to be very awkward, but it doesn't have to be! Should you kiss him, if you like him? Should you tell him you aren't interested? It's always best to do whatever you think feels right. If you are interested in going out with him again, make sure he knows it and tell him that you will call. If you aren't interested in seeing him again, make sure that you let him know. It's better to be honest then stringing him along to false hopes.

Getting to know him
Pay close attention to the things he says, which can reveal a lot. Discussing taste in music, film, food, and art can be a great way to find out if you two have common interests-or nothing in common at all!
You should also look for common "warning signs" when on a blind date. If the guy does any of the following, watch out!

* Talks about his ex-girlfriend throughout the date
* Doesn't offer to pay for the first date (or the second, or third...)
* Speaks badly about his mother or ex-girlfriends
* Treats the waiters, staff rudely or doesn't tip

image source
 
Get paid To Promote at any Location